i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
