...so i touched it.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Randomize
