I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
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pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
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Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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