Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
