Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
