In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
