I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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