She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I would ride that face into the sunset
I'm too high and old for this...
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