My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
