I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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