Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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