you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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