Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
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