Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
