exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Randomize
