did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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