if only i could text you this smell
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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