he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
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