He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
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