I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
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