You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
This toilet bowl is my home.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
