i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Randomize
