Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
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