how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
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