Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
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