Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Life without a bra equals bliss.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
