took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
