I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I want a musical about memes.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
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