I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
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