You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
i drank out of a bidet.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
