I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
