What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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