She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
