Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Are my feet made of real feet?
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
