I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
