HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Randomize
