then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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