Don't you send me to vm
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
