i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Randomize
