I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
