we're chasing vodka with high fives
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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