Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
