ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
should my penis look like a turkey
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
