Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
