Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
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