Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
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