You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
