seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Randomize
