STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize