That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Randomize
