Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I will die if light touches me.
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
