I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
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There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize