You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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