sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
