So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I said "one day" and that day is not today
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
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