Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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