I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again