Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
