I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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