Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
