I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
